Your Will Is Your Most Dangerous Weapon
People are afraid of things that can hurt them like guns and knives and the like. The most dangerous weapon I know of that will hurt me more than anything, is my own free will. Nothing has done as much harm to me as the horrible decisions I’ve made. Literally speaking, I can avoid the guns and knives by just staying inside. My decisions are with me no matter where I go. In fact, being inside can easily trigger that “let’s see what Amazon has” decision. You know, so that I can buy shit I don’t need with money I don’t have.
I was stabbed in the back once. It was a small blade you can barely even see the scar now. I was laid up for about ten days. Whereas my last marriage took me twenty years to get out of and cost me and $800,000 house. Where’s the guy with the knife when you need him?
Some of my biggest and brightest decisions come when talking myself into things. The decision process begins thusly, “I know this has hurt me in the past, but I think I’ve really learned from that. I know when to get out now. If it starts going downhill, I’ll bail. Let me begin.” It proceeds to “well, this isn’t exactly like last time. Besides that, I really like this and, well, everything worthwhile comes with a certain amount of work and pain. Even pleasurable things have downsides. I’m going to stay with it.” Then the final (if I’m fortunate to realize it at all, I can be stuck on the previous stage for decades) stage, “oh fuck. How the did this happen again? You know, I just don’t understand why God hates me and everything I do turns to shit. Now, how the fuck do I get out of this?”
And here’s the thing about the “this” people, “this” can be anything. Many of these awful decisions center around, bad relationships (because red flags are for quitters), spending money, sex, gambling, drugs (and yes, alcohol is most definitely a drug), horrible jobs, terrible friends, food addictions you name it. These poor decisions come from thinking I have all of this under control and that I’m capable of making decisions based on whether or not something makes me feel good.
A rule of thumb that I use at this point in my life is this: if something feels really good and doesn’t seem to have a downside, I don’t do it.I put it in that, “if something sounds too good to be true, it is” category.It has been my painful experience in life that nothing, and I mean nothing good comes from instant gratification.